What qualities would you look for in a friend that would encourage you to fulfil your potential
How do we define success? There are many different tactics for how to be successful in life, but the strategy that works best for you may depend on your view of success itself. We often think of it as doing well at work or earning a high salary. While professional accomplishments can be one piece of the puzzle, it leaves out many other important areas of life. Family, romantic relationships, academics, and athletics are just a few areas where people may strive for success. Your individual definition of what success is exactly may vary, but many might define it as being fulfilled, happy, safe, healthy, and loved.
- What Does It Mean To Be a Good Friend?
- Personality Traits
- 6 Steps for Success in Life
- The 7 Qualities of a Good Friend
- 10 Simple Qualities That Can Help You Achieve Professional Success and Satisfaction in Life
- Toxic Relationships
- 10 Ways to Become a Better Leader
- Healthy Relationships
- Making Good Friends
What Does It Mean To Be a Good Friend?
With few exceptions, human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. And yet no area of human endeavor seems more fraught with challenges and difficulties than our relationships with others. Relationships, like most things in life worth having, require effort. We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to their idiosyncrasies, their faults, their moods, etc. Some relationships, however, are more difficult and require proportionately more work.
We are not clones but individuals, and some individuals in relationships are going to have more difficulties, more disagreements. And then there are toxic relationships. These relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, if not corrected, to be extremely harmful to our well being. These relationships are not necessarily hopeless, but they require substantial and difficult work if they are to be changed into something healthy.
The paradox is that in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it more about this later. By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. While a healthy relationship contributes to our self-esteem and emotional energy, a toxic relationship damages self-esteem and drains energy.
A healthy relationship is a safe relationship, a relationship where we can be ourselves without fear, a place where we feel comfortable and secure. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is not a safe place. A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control. We risk our very being by staying in such a relationship. To say a toxic relationship is dysfunctional is, at best, an understatement.
Keep in mind that it takes two individuals to have a toxic relationship. And we must ask, Why? And what, if anything can we do short of leaving that might help mend such a relationship? Even a good relationship may have brief periods of behaviors we could label toxic on the part of one or both partners. Human beings, after all, are not perfect. Few of us have had any formal education in how to relate to others. As mentioned above, however, dysfunction is the norm in a toxic relationship.
The toxic partner engages in inappropriate controlling and manipulative behaviors on pretty much a daily basis. Paradoxically, to the outside world, the toxic partner often behaves in an exemplary manner. While these relationships are not necessarily irreparable, I cannot emphasize too much how destructive they are.
Power sharing does not occur in any significant way in a toxic relationship. And while power struggles are normal in any relationship, particularly in the early stages of a marriage, toxic relationships are characterized by one partner absolutely insisting on being in control.
Keep in mind, the methods used by such an individual to control his or her partner in a toxic relationship may or may not be readily apparent, even to their partner. These categories should not be seen as exclusive. Frequently, a toxic individual will use several types of controlling behaviors to achieve his or her ends. In reality, however, this individual is not a victim, at least not in the sense that they are helpless to do anything about their relationship. This type of toxic individual will constantly belittle you.
He or she will make fun of you, essentially implying that pretty much anything you say that expresses your ideas, beliefs, or wants is silly or stupid. A toxic partner will not hesitate to belittle you in public, in front of your friends or family. The toxic partner wants all the decision making power. Again, it is noteworthy that this type of emotionally abusive partner rarely shows this side of his or her self to the outside world.
He or she is frequently seen as a pleasant, easy-going person who almost everyone likes. This disowning of responsibility for their dysfunctional behavior is typical of a toxic partner. A toxic relationship can, of course, occur not only between two individuals in a committed relationship, but also between friends or parents and their adult children.
For guilt-prone individuals, anything or anyone that removes guilt is very desirable and potentially almost addictive, so the guilt inducer has an extremely powerful means of control at their disposal. Incidentally, guilt induction is the most common form of control used by a toxic parent s to control their adult children. Frequently, a spouse or significant other will disguise their guilt-inducing control by seemingly supporting a decision you make — i.
As with all toxic behaviors, guilt-inducing is designed to control your behavior so your toxic partner, parent, or friend gets what he or she wants. You find yourself comforting them instead of getting comfort yourself.
Odd as it may seem, one method of toxic control is for your partner to be so passive that you have to make most decisions for them. These toxic controllers want you to make virtually every decision for them, from where to go to dinner to what car to buy.
Remember, not deciding is a decision that has the advantage of making someone else — namely you — responsible for the outcome of that decision. Passivity can be an extremely powerful means of control.
This toxic individual will only rarely keep his or her commitments. Something always comes up. As a result, they control you by making it next to impossible for you to make commitments or plans. The anxiety you feel in such a relationship can, and often does, eat away at your emotional and physical health. Users — especially at the beginning of a relationship — often seem to be very nice, courteous, and pleasant individuals.
What makes a relationship with a user toxic is its one way nature and the fact that you will end up never having done enough for them. Users are big time energy drainers who will in fact leave you if they find someone else who will do more for them.
This type of toxic individual is really bad news. These toxic individuals will become more and more suspicious and controlling as time goes on. Over time they will work hard to eliminate any meaningful relationships you have with friends, and sometimes even with family.
They do not see themselves in a relationship with you; they see themselves as possessing you. Your efforts to reassure a toxic possessive about your fidelity and commitment to them will be in vain.
If you stay in a relationship with such an individual you will cease to really have a life of your own. Keep in mind that the toxicity of the above individuals is clearly a matter of degree. You may have experienced some, if not all, of these behaviors — hopefully in a mild form — occasionally in your relationships. In a toxic relationship these behaviors are the norm, not the exception. Most of us manipulate once in a while, play helpless, induce guilt, etc.
What distinguishes a toxic relationship is both the severity of these behaviors and how frequently they occur. So why do people behave in toxic ways and why do others put up with such behaviors?
Their partners stay with toxic individuals because they too believe they are unlovable and that no one would willingly meet their needs. Occasionally, particularly in the case of the toxic user, narcissism may be part of the problem, but narcissism itself is often a reaction to underlying insecurity. And while there certainly are things an individual can do to attempt to change the way a toxic partner behaves, most of my clients are often hesitant to do them, fearing their toxic partner may leave the relationship.
So before you attempt to confront a toxic partner, make sure your self-esteem and self-confidence are good enough for you to know that you will be all right if they end the relationship with you or you end up having to end it with them.
The bad news is that you cannot change your partner. The good news is that you can change yourself which may lead you to behave differently with your partner, resulting in your partner deciding to change his or her behavior.
Essentially what you do is calmly but firmly confront the toxic behavior. You do this by identifying the behavior s to your partner, letting him or her know they are no longer acceptable, and suggesting alternate behaviors that would work better. Actually, it is. Once again, you have to believe you deserve to be treated with courtesy, compassion, and respect in a relationship or you will not continue the relationship.
When you first confront a toxic partner you can expect that he or she will actually escalate their controlling behaviors. You have to be able to handle whatever they do. You have to stay calm and firm and simply repeat your request. If your partner refuses to change, consider separating from the relationship for 30 days. You should then talk with them again, repeat your requests, and let them know that you will not stay in the relationship if they continue their toxic behavior.
If they once again refuse to change, you need to end the relationship. If they promise to change but relapse, repeat the cycle one more time. If they then seek appropriate help and you have reasonable confidence that they will not physically abuse you again, you may consider whether or not you want to return to the relationship.
What if you have a parent s who behave in a toxic manner? If your parent s refuse to change their behavior which, as mentioned above, will usually be control by toxic guilt induction, you will need to severely limit their contact with you. Not an easy task, but by taking control — for example by limiting phone calls, or by you choosing when you do or do not see them, etc. Tom Cory has lived in Chattanooga for 35 years. Today he practices clinical psychology specializing in interpersonal and marital therapy.
Tom can be reached at tompatcory aol. Choosing A Compatible Partner. Back to Live Well.
Imagine being in a room with more than 20 renowned researchers and consultants in sport psychology, who are giving advice to elite coaches and athletes. The sport psychologists delve into numerous topics, such as goal setting, mental imagery, routines, team cohesion, and the coach-athlete relationship. The coaches and athletes augment the recommendations by sharing their perspectives and experiences on each topic. Together, these researchers, consultants, coaches, and athletes bridge the gap between theory and practice in a way that has never been done before. In each chapter four experts present their perspectives based on the current research and their understanding of the topics.
Here are the top seven relationship ingredients that have surfaced over the years. I encourage you to consider these qualities in light of your current friendships and, if you are married, in light of your relationship with your spouse. These are qualities to internalize in your own life in order to become a better friend. You can also use them as a measure to consider not judge potential friendships in the future.
6 Steps for Success in Life
With few exceptions, human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. And yet no area of human endeavor seems more fraught with challenges and difficulties than our relationships with others. Relationships, like most things in life worth having, require effort. We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to their idiosyncrasies, their faults, their moods, etc. Some relationships, however, are more difficult and require proportionately more work. We are not clones but individuals, and some individuals in relationships are going to have more difficulties, more disagreements. And then there are toxic relationships. These relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, if not corrected, to be extremely harmful to our well being. These relationships are not necessarily hopeless, but they require substantial and difficult work if they are to be changed into something healthy.
The 7 Qualities of a Good Friend
Often in life, you may find yourself trying to help other people change. The core of trust in persuasive interactions is authenticity—the degree to which people think that the public face you have adopted fits who you really are inside. When people feel you are telling them things you truly believe, they are less likely to be skeptical of their interactions with you. Thus you have to see yourself as others see you.
All healthy relationships — whether they are friendship, roommate or romantic — have similar characteristics. Consider the following list when thinking about your own relationships. While everyone has to decide for themselves what they want in a relationship and what defines a good relationship, here are some qualities to consider.
10 Simple Qualities That Can Help You Achieve Professional Success and Satisfaction in Life
To attain these goals and to achieve great satisfaction and personal satisfaction in your life and career, consider working to incorporate within yourself these 10 simple qualities:. Be yourself. Take care to exercise your own ideas, your free will and independence. Live from your individual uniqueness and the willingness to be different from others.
Anyone can sit in a corner office and delegate tasks, but there is more to effective leadership than that. Effective leaders have major impacts on not only the team members they manage, but also their company as a whole. Employees who work under great leaders tend to be happier, more productive and more connected to their organization — and this has a ripple effect that reaches your business's bottom line. If you look around and see that your team members have become disengaged or stagnant in their work, it may be time to reassess and reform your strategies. According to Brownlee, the following behaviors are signs that you may have a poor leadership strategy:.
To succeed as a leader, you need to be motivated, and no one else can do that for you except your self. Confidence has to do with your inner perception of your ability to fulfill a particular role and is built through your experiences and dealings during your life. Where others might think a project or task is too difficult, leaders face those challenges with energy and positivity. Positivity is contagious, so be sure to focus on your attitude and understand you set the tone for your business and the people around you. Being accountable means that you accept responsibility for the outcomes expected of you, both good and bad. Until you take responsibility, you are a victim. And being a victim is the exact opposite of being a leader. Leadership sometimes involves making unpopular decisions which requires a certain level of bravery.
Our society tends to place an emphasis on romantic relationships. We think that just finding that right person will make us happy and fulfilled. But research shows that friends are actually even more important to our psychological welfare.
10 Ways to Become a Better Leader
Making Good Friends